Love Letter to the Ones Who Want More:

Photo by Seana Williamson, of Carolyn looking directly into the camera.

A Year-End Challenge for Real Connection

To those who feel the ache for something deeper: this is for you, the one who’s been “fine” for so long you almost believe it.

Let’s get real: The world wants us to look like we have it all together.

Social media loves a highlight reel, not the mess in your laundry basket (or the infamous toilet paper roll). We’re pressured to stand out, to perform, to draw lines between “us” and “them.”

But here’s the no-BS truth: The real work, the actual fuel for happiness, comes not from being seen, but from seeing and showing up for each other, fully and honestly.

In my work (and in my own life), I see the cost of dialing it in.

I also see the magic that happens when we pause, get honest, and choose to show up differently. Spoiler: It’s not always pretty, but it’s always worth it.

The Challenge: Are You Really Showing Up?

Let’s get honest: - Are you just going through the motions in your relationships?

• Are you performing “fine” but feeling disconnected or unseen?

• Are you letting comparison or division keep you from deeper connection with your partner, your friends, your community?

• Are you living in alignment with who you want to be, or just surviving the day-to-day?

If you want more, you’re not alone. And more is possible (even if it feels as likely as someone else changing the toilet paper roll).

Fuel for Connection: Prompts & Practices from Fire It Up

1. Safety and Emotional Honesty

A thriving relationship (romantic, friendship, family, or community) is built on emotional safety.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel safe to be myself here?

• Can I make mistakes without fear of losing this connection?

• Where am I tiptoeing around honesty to “keep the peace” and what is that costing us? (Hint: More than you think.)

2. Communication: Go Beyond Words

Words matter, but most of our communication is nonverbal: tone, expression, body language, energy.

This year, practice:

• Slowing down conversations.

• Notice your partner’s (or friend’s) face, posture, and tone.

• When listening, ask: “What are they really telling me beneath the words?”

• Take turns being “the listener” and “the speaker.”

• When you’re the listener, your only job is to reflect and understand, not fix or defend. (And yes, sometimes you’ll want to roll your eyes. Don’t. Or at least wait until they leave the room.)

3. Radical Honesty & Repair

Holding back honesty builds resentment; sharing problems as they pop up builds strength and trust. Where are you avoiding small truths to “keep things easy”?

• Try a “radical honesty challenge”: Once a week, each person shares something difficult. The other just says “thank you”—no defense, no fixing, just listening. (Warning: This may cause actual growth. Side effects include awkward laughter and, occasionally, eye contact.)

• When you mess up (and you will!), make repair a habit:

  • Lead with care and validation (“I love you and I’m sorry I hurt you—even if I still think you’re wrong about the dishwasher”).

  • Focus on your partner’s experience, not just your intention.

  • Ask: “Did I get everything? Is there more you need from me?”

    
    

4. Mutuality & Reciprocity

Healthy relationships are built on generosity and fairness, not scorekeeping (put down the mental scoreboard!).

• Where are you keeping track of who does more?

• What’s one small thing you can do today to proactively support someone you care about?

• Can you offer care without strings attached, just because you want them to feel loved? (No, “I’ll do this if you do that” doesn’t count.)

5. Conflict: Growth, Not Winning

Disagreements are inevitable, but they’re also opportunities for deeper connection. Next time you’re in conflict, ask:

• “What can I learn about myself and this relationship here?”

• Make your relationship more important than being right. (Seriously, put down the imaginary gavel.)

• Practice leading with relief: remind yourself and your partner of your love and commitment, even as you tackle hard topics.

Your 2026 Commitment: Authenticity & Integrity

This is your invitation to stop performing and start participating.

To stop letting the algorithm or the world’s noise decide who you are, and instead choose to live in integrity with who you want to be, even if that means being the only person at the party who admits they don’t know what “cheugy” means.

Reflection Prompts for the New Year:

• Where am I showing up fully? Where am I holding back?

• What do I want more of in my relationships and what am I willing to do to create it?

• Who do I want to be, and am I living in alignment with that vision, even when it’s hard (and even when someone leaves the empty toilet paper roll on the holder again)?

Let’s make 2026 the year of radical honesty, mutual care, and real connection—across every divide.You are not alone in wanting more. And you are absolutely capable of creating it.

Reach out if I can support you of having more of what you want.